Friday, July 18, 2008

It's my blog and...

I know some of you who blog will be able to relate to this post and maybe those who can't will learn from it. I have. I started this blog for me - it's a place where I can go and share my joy and my frustrations. It's my therapy. It just so happens that my therapy is shared with a bunch a great fellow bloggers - people I call friends. I have never ever felt judged by you - so thank you for that.

For the most part I try to keep my posts up beat and silly. If I didn't have this blog I might actually go insane at times. Today is the first day in nearly 2 years of blogging that I am actually considering not blogging anymore or permanently going private. Why? Because a few months ago I wrote a post out of frustration about someone who was unnecessarily critical of my writing on my work blog. I was frustrated , hurt and angry by his comments and I wrote about it on this blog.

Maybe I should have gone back to the post and updated it to say he apologized for being so hard on me. Maybe I should have deleted the post all together. Yes, that probably would have been the smartest thing to do. Maybe I shouldn't have written it at all. He found my blog (why was he looking for it?) and read the post. That blog post has apparently ended a friendship.

Just like that.

Here is where I am confused. The only difference between his emails to me and my blog post was that he was telling me personally and to my face that he thought I was an idiot and I was saying he was an idiot behind his back by posting about it. Should I apologize for being a coward and not telling him how hurt I was to his face?

So is having this blog public worth losing friends over? Is it worth monitoring what I write about - losing the essence of having the blog in the first place?

Yes, I know he will probably read this (hi to him) but I am hurt and frustrated. Should I apologize for feeling the way I did that day? Why do I even feel the need to apologize for my feelings? I might delete this post - I might not. If I thought I could do something to make it better I would. I will miss his friendship and the friendship of his wife even more.


P.S. I disabled the comments.

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