Retail Therapy.

Not even retail therapy is helping me tonight. I shopped. I found a great Lilly P dress at Marshalls on clearance for $69. I found a pair of Lucky Brand white jeans that fit awesome for $29! I found a pair of pink jeweled sandals at Nordstroms. But I am still sad as sad can be.

I dropped the kids off at their first ever sleep away camp and I can't stop thinking about them. Every time I stop and think about something else thoughts of them come rushing back to me.

Are they ok? It rained this afternoon - are they warm enough? Do they miss me and will they be OK when it's time to go to bed without a kiss from me or daddy? Should I have insisted that bug sleep on the bottom bunk and not the top bunk like he wanted to? Should I have made him get his battery operated fan back from the kid he gave it to because he had two fans and the other little boy had none? Did I leave enough money on their camp account for snacks tomorrow night? Will bug lose his new water shoes - I saw them outside as I was leaving. Will he drink too much at dinner and wet his bed because he's so darn tired from the long day? Will baby girl meet new friends? Will she be too shy? Is she sad to be away from our dog, Holly? Is she going to sleep OK? Will she wake up and be confused? Will she like anything at the dining hall to eat? Will she eat her fruits and vegetables if they offer them? Will bug? Will they take care of each other? Are they too young? What am I going to do tomorrow morning without them? Bug is 6 - he needs his mommy and baby girl is a sensitive 8 year old who needs me even more. What the hell was I thinking?

AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the record bug told me to leave and I didn't need to come back to say good bye again because I had already been back 3 times. I kept thinking of one more thing I wanted to tell him and one more reason to kiss him good bye. He was excited beyond word! Baby girl gave me a great big hug and told me she loved me and then turned to her little friend. It's only 2 nights. I know THEY will be OK.

Will I? I thought I would enjoy tonight - a "night off" from "life." It's not as fun as I thought it would be.

I MISS MY BABIES!!!